My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
