My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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