you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm passing your future prison.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
