im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
