I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
