They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
