Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
