I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
