Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mom said you looked used
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
