Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
