Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize