I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
