i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
