If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
