Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
