It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
