Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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