I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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