So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
