you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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