the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
