I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
