I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
