I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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