He uses pillows to masturbate.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
