We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
