My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My vagina just recognized that song.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
