Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
