Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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