in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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