It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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