They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
