booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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