currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
