Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
