I faked an abortion last night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
