I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
