I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
