i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
