I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
