Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
