I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
