I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
