You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
