ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
