and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
