My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
