He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
