I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
