who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Congratulations! We have a period
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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