i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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