S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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