i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
