So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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