You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
