those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
