I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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