Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
