where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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