Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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