I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
high people should be assigned attendants
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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