he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
