We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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