That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
