Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
