Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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