Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
