so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
