Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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