College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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