And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
