The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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