apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize